Look What I Can Do, Didn't Do, Can't Decide to Do

Mommy Proof #26: The cloud really aren't following you...

Yes, it is time for a mommy confession. When I was younger and my magical imagination was still intact, I actually believed that the world really did revolve around me. So much so, that the clouds followed me around. Every time I looked out the window, that is what they were doing. Morphing into shapes that were just for my pleasure and entertainment. A lot of times, my mother didn't see those shapes until I pointed them out to her. If I stopped long enough to really look, the clouds would realize what I was doing and slowly start inching away from me. The clouds must have thought I would be a STAR!

Well, look where that has led me. I am a star. I can't have a conversation without the paparrazi...AKA kids....hanging on my every word. My toddler is always pulling my shirt off and hanging on my every movement. I have my very own stalkers. Every time I turn on a particular social network, I am bombarded by people that essentially want me to sponsor their every move. They hold us signs trying to get me to agree/like/share their every move. Because if I share it, others will.

"Like if you think I am pretty."
"My mom said if we get a million likes we can get a puppy."
"My dad said if we get a million shares we can get a kitten."
"Like if you love your mother, if you don't share you hate her."
"My husband said if we get a million likes we are going to Disney World."
"Like if you love bacon."

The first time I saw those likes, I was all for it. How could I not be happy that somebody's grandmother turned 103? How could it not be inspiring that the four year old had his last chemo treatment? Of course, I am cheering for them. How could I not? But somewhere along the lines, someone decided that turning 103 was too big of a feat for their family and decided to bring the 'likes' down to Earth. I began to wonder, just what is social media doing to our lives? Have we and are we raising a generation of people that can't make a decision without getting validation for it? Then, I saw the commercial where the little boy flushes the toilet and a parade arrives outside his door.

That is when I saw what has happened to our lives. Everything has become praiseworthy. The other day, I proudly exclaimed for the benefit of my tyrannical toddler, "I love how you are all playing nicely together!" One of the older kids said, "Look how I am building ALL BY MYSELF!" I was taken back as to what to say. Surely, she doesn't want me to repeat the earlier commendation. I decided to use my sarcastic wit as a reminder that she has been doing that since she was her little brother's age of 1. That made everyone collapse into giggles as they imagined themselves at his age. I began to wonder if I am doing to my children the very thing I hate. As I scrolled through my pictures, I was happy and afraid to see that I may have created a milestone of sorts: first smile, first prayer, first tooth filled grin, first snow, but what I didn't do was try to make it into a cornucopia of  Mad TV "Stuart." (Please tell me you remember that comedic genius! "Look what I can do!" http://www.amazon.com/Best-MadTV-Seasons-Craig-Anton/dp/B000A88EUK ) I didn't post:

"Share if you like snow!"
"Like if you love to pray"
"Share if you like teeth, if you don't share your teeth will fall out."

I planned a trip to take the kids to Disney World and I took them without a million likes. The first time my kids got a pet I didn't petition my friends to share the picture. I didn't make a you tube video of my children pop locking to a Korean pop star. I have made it through my life so far without getting a million likes....or even a hundred. So this is my promise to you.  You will never open this blog and see a picture of my toddler's first poop. You will never see if he smeared it all over his hands. You will never see the first time he asks if you like sea food, then opens his mouth for you to see his chewed up food. I may make a status about the last time he nurses, but I promise to NEVER, EVER  post a picture of me crying outside with my empty milk-less breasts flapping in the wind. Now, share this blog for a million likes. O_o

Things NON-Crunchy moms think and sometimes may say....

Mommy Proof #25: It doesn't matter what you do or how you do it, someone will have something to think.....or say......

1. You are what type of parent?

2.  You spent how much for ONE diaper?

3.  That piece of fabric you wrapped your baby up in cost how much?

4.  I think vaccines are awesome. I love the feeling of knowing that small pox was almost eradicated.

5.  I still think strollers are great. I baby wear, but there is nothing like free-wheeling a toddler in a jogging stroller while running up a hill. Can't do that with a baby sling.

6. When it is raining outside, I am not standing beside my van trying to tie a sleeping baby to my torso. As my 8 year old said, "Why don't you just put a blanket over the carrier and put him in the back of the cart?" Bravo, little genius, Bravo.

7. Once my toddler can unhook my nursing bra and say "mammary glands," the thrill is gone.

8.  I will never drink raw milk. Pasteurizing is an amazing process.

9.  Raw foods diet what?

10. I have had a natural childbirth without medication. My vagina suffers from PTSD.

11. Cloth diapering is a little too involved....

12. I don't want a "family bed." I want their bed and my bed. They are welcome into my bed as needed, but we aren't roommates.

13.  Attachment parenting ended when they cut the umbilical cord. We are no longer attached.

14. Family cloth who?

15. People actually attachment parent/water birth/natural childbirth/baby wear/cloth diaper/breast feed toddlers?????

16. Is he still  nursing? At 18 months? Is there still milk in those?

17. You mean you cloth diaper. You mean you have poop in your washing machine?????

18. You ate your placenta? Where they do that at?????

19. What is elimination communication?

20. So you share a bed with your toddler, 9 month old, and a 6 year old? When do you and your husband....DO IT?



For the record: I am NOT a crunchy mom. I do not cloth diaper (although I did think about it for twenty minutes), family cloth, eat my placenta, or drink unpasteurized milk. I DO co-sleep, still breast feed my 18 month old (although we are trying to wean....by we, I mean, I), use a stroller, baby wear, and gave birth without medication. And, yes, my vagina does suffer from PTSD. I don't care if you are or aren't a "crunchy" mom. We all do the best we can with the information we receive.

Stuff your Childless Friends say...

Mommy Proof #24: It does no good to get offended at the stuff your childless friends say. It is more satisfying to watch them eat their words when they have their first child.....

1. "When I have my kids....." Aaaahhhh, those are five of my most favorite words. The truth is that very few parents enter parenthood and actually stick to all of their pre-parenting rules.

 2.  "When I have my kids, they will never sleep in the bed with me." Good for you. Some babies are so very easy going that they do go down for the night and are easy to get back to sleep with a quick little rock or even a "It's time to sleep." I never had one of those babies. I was one of those parents who said I wouldn't share a bed with my fourth. I had made that "mistake" with my first three children. The mistake I really made was not doing what worked for my family. After three months of caring for a screaming infant, I fell asleep from pure exhaustion. I woke up in a panic when I realized that I actually had slept for more than 15 minutes straight. That had not happened since before he was born. I looked down and saw him curled into my body...where he fit....where he belonged....where he actually SLEPT!

 3.  "What's the point of buying a crib?" It looks cute. *shrugs* He will eventually sleep in it.

 4.  "That's why I will never breastfeed." (As they look at my toddler nursing.) Nope, breastfeeding isn't "fun." It does look "easier" to carry a bottle filled with the correct amount of water and formula or a sippy cup. Yes, he is quite big to want to nurse. But don't let what my baby and I do turn you off from nursing, which is how most mammals feed their young. I'm sure it isn't glamorous or appealing, but it does work for us. Whether you try to nurse or not, don't base it on a fleeting moment of watching me try to give my toddler a cup. Right then, he didn't want it. He wanted me. Nope, he didn't need it for nourishment. He needed it for comfort. Gross, right?

 5.  "He's spoiled." Yes, he is. Every baby, toddler, and child should have that feeling of knowing that their parents will respond to them. What looks like "spoiling" to you is actually my toddler expressing his desires and knowing that I am attentive enough to listen.

 6.  "Just tell him to stop and he will...." Okay, then you do it. See how that works out for you. But right now he is tired or hungry or bored, so I need to get to sleep or give him a snack or sing him a song. I know that will work out better for him.

 7.  "He's crying, because you pick him up every time he cries". But he was crying BEFORE I picked him up. Your logic is flawed at best.

 8.  "Why would you put your child on a leash?" Because some toddlers hate for their hand to be held. It may be too: 1. sweaty for his hand. 2. tight for his hand's circulation. 3. uncomfortable as you hold it. 4. makes his knuckles rub together. 5. annoying! It doesn't really matter to me what is behind the reason that makes my two year old rip his hand from mine and run off. The only thing that matters to me is keeping him safe, close to me, and happy.

 9.  "I will never buy a leash." .......until your impulsive toddler rips his hand away from yours filled with another baby and shopping bags, then proceeds to run into a crowd full of potential kidnappers. After that you may think again.

10. "I would never want kids in my early 20s/mid 20s/early 30s..." Then, don't have them. DUH!!!!!!!!


Which advice given from your childless friends made you laugh the hardest?

I "WUB" him too...

Mommy Proof #23:  Hearing "I love you" the first time from your baby is AMAZING.

This morning, my youngest child came up to me and touched my arm. As I smiled down at him, he mumbled some gibberish that vaguely resembled English. I nodded and grinned back at him, but the response I received was unexpected. Usually, I can just nod off the gibberish by repeating what I thought he said and he is happily content. This was NOT one of those times. When I nodded and dismissed him, I was met with a confused look as he now gripped my arm.

"Mah-mawwww! I WUB Oooh!" ("Ma-ma! I love you!")

It has been a long time since I have heard those first words. It always warms your heart when you realize what has been said, but it was different this time. Every time it is the first time when he does something new....it is also the last. This is the last time I will see the first steps of my child. The last first word. The last time I will hear a giggle for the first time. The last time I will recognize the pitter patter of little feet during the night. The last time I will see that first tooth, bicuspid, molar. I have become oddly nostalgic. I haven't given his first pair of shoes away. I still held on to some of his newborn clothes. Every time I tame his mane, I gather up those wisps of hair and put it in a separate baggie....as if I will somehow be given the opportunity to clone these moments and relive them.

No more first pictures. No more first smiles. His toothless grin is gone and in its replacement were my tears. I switched him to a toddler bed a couple of weeks ago. He is growing up. Too fast. Last Saturday, he discovered snow for the first time. He wasn't impressed. He had his own feelings about the new situation. It was cold. It was wet. He wanted me to hold him and I did. I just want to hold on a little longer. My baby is gone, but my toddler loves me. I know because this morning he told me so for the last first time....:-/

Yeah....Not impressed.